Helping or Hurting?

After I finished editing my photos yesterday I felt so bored and at a loss for what to do.
I’ve always been okay at being my own boss but with the city still being shut down I really have idea what to do next.
It’s moments like this where having a boss would be a huge help.
With this on my mind I’d really like to hire a business coach but I’m not really sure where to start amongst the slew of dirtbag business coaches on the internet.
I also had to ask myself yesterday when I consider what to do next I have to ask myself one thing, “Does it help or does it hurt?”
Ultimately my goal is to be a wealthy photographer and to live a lifestyle with creative freedom.
If something does not help me get there does it hurt me from getting there.
Often the answer is yes and I understand we all need our downtime but over this quarantine I’ve had too much unhealthy down time. (Ex. drinking on the roof, bad food, binging movies.)
Luckily I’m getting past this behavior but I’m still in a bit of a conundrum.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NEXT?
My intent this year was to build a photo community through events which clearly can’t happen anymore.
Now I’ve been trying to find alternatives to in person meetings via the internet so I can still build a community but adhere to the Covid-19 guidelines.
I guess my point here is no matter what your goals are I think it’s important to weigh your actions against your goals.
For me it’s a great way to keep myself honest about my actions v.s. my intentions.
Is what I am doing true to where I want to be in 5 years?
If it isn’t it’s time change somethings to realign yourself with your values.

Making do with little time.

I haven’t been taking photos at all lately which is very unlike me.
I’ve maybe taken 50-60 photos this month on my work camera and besides that I’ve mainly been shooting with my phone.
This past Friday a few friends stopped over and before we went out to a block party I decided to take a few photos as the sun was setting.
Those photos below feature my friends Nik and Jahkeem.

Routine without Monotony.

Time moves like a rolling stone, especially when life becomes too repetitive. This quarantine has been a lesson in how monotonous routine living can be. It's a bit of a conundrum though because I find the best way for myself to stay productive is to have a morning ritual. Wake up, hit the peloton, shower, coffee, and journal for 20 minutes. This routine always seems to put my head in a better place. So the question here is how do you have routine without it speeding up time? I like to switch my morning routine up every three months or so but the key factor is always starting it with movement. Whether it's walking and taking pictures at sunrise or going for a run movement always seems to lead to a brighter day. Then from there, I have a list of things I need to get done during the day that I have made the night before. My schedule is never the same and this had made life as a freelancer much more freeing than a 9-5. Without being too repetitive with these blogs, I frequently talk about compounding which is the power of doing one small thing daily for an extended period of time. The photos below show my roommate on one of his daily peloton rides. Like clockwork, I can count on the sounds of him huffing and puffing on that bike at 12 pm every single day. His dedication really shows in his physique and it also bleeds into other aspects of his life. From eating to walking the dog, I can tell you where my roommate will be at any given time of the day. My roommate is very rigid in his routine and although that may be repetitive he has compounded his performance as a result. In closing, if you want better results in your life a little routine goes a long way.

Bad Reactions.

I wake up most mornings and stretch my legs on a walk to get my iced coffee. Every time I do this I leave my phone at home so I can have some time with my first thoughts of each day. This morning after a small disagreement with my girlfriend I thought about what has kept our relationship healthy. In the past, it wasn't always this way. Throughout college, we would react to our problems rather than communicate through them. Sitting on that thought I noticed how much I hate my own reactiveness. I don't have sudden outbursts of anger as frequently as I did as a child but when they do arise I feel terrible about myself. This brings up an unspoken rule I've always had for myself and that is to stay away from overly reactive, and grudge-holding people. There is no grudge worth holding. Being pissed off at someone only hurts you. It's a feeling inside of yourself emotionally shutting yourself off from the world that only you can feel. Wouldn't it be better to just not give a fuck about that person and to go get some ice cream with people that actually care about you? Now think about someone being pissed off at you, holding a grudge, and reacting viciously to everything you do or say. The truth is they are hurting themselves more than they are hurting you. Do you want that same self-deprecating action to be apart of your life? Fuck no. Communication is the only way to understand each other's pain points in any relationship. Has reacting, holding grudges, and being pissed off ever made anyone any happier?

Rainie turns 1

My roommate Ryan bought Rainie almost a year ago and what an absolute treat it has been to live with this little angel. Safe to say I feel like a doggy step dad or like a funcle (fun-uncle).
We’re going to celebrate her birthday this weekend so expect more fun pictures and less lengthy writing.

Life is good.

Rooftop happy hour.

New York makes you realize a lot when you first move here.
For me the most important thing was having a private space and somewhere to decompress.
Every apartment I’ve lived in has always had a rooftop and as long as I’m living in NYC it’s a must have for me.
I can deal with the lack of space, crammed subways, smelly streets, but as long as I have a roof to breathe on and I can see the sky things just seem to be that much better.
A decent roof top is worth every penny.
Wherever you live it’s important to have that tranquil space.

With love,
Atticus

Be Present.

With all that is going on in the world good and bad and with New York still being closed, I took the time to visit my brothers in Connecticut for the week and work on some things.
I didn’t shoot at all this week other than a few photos while cooking out in the backyard.
Instead, I worked on my portfolio and spent as much time as I could reading on the porch.
This time was a harsh reminder of just how simple life truly is.
I wrote early in the mornings in a little sunroom in my brother’s house and felt the breeze and the sun as the crept through the window.
I slept with a dog too big to be sleeping on a human’s bed, and I laughed over stories with my brothers.
We also shared the troubles in our lives and it all made so much sense to me.
No matter what your situation is in life you can either let it define you or you can define yourself in spite of that situation.

No one knew this quarantine was coming but we all have to choose to create good habits with this newly allotted time. I for one picked up some healthy habits and some less than favorable ones as well.
Yet while listening to one of my brothers speak on his frustrations and how they pissed him off it hit me…your situation is not pissing you off you are pissing yourself off about your situation.
Don’t give external factors the power to completely alter your emotions.

My girlfriend always reminds me to write down what I am grateful for and I think this is a really great way to keep your emotions in check.
It’s really hard to be upset when you’re grateful for your health and the food in your refrigerator.
There is always something to be grateful for and this time with my brothers although brief was a pleasure.
I felt very present this past week and I’m hoping to bring this new perspective back with me in NYC.

All the best,
Atticus

Mourning Journal.

I woke up this morning to a video someone had posted on Instagram of a woman in the back of a cop car being consoled by her daughter after her boyfriend had just been shot by the police. I don’t know the details of the killing but the pain in this women’s voice and the love in her daughters was an all too familiar feeling.
I lost hope when I saw this video. I felt that if people can be seen as less than humans for the color of their skin what point is there in even trying in life. It makes you feel really helpless living in the hands of a corrupt government. I know there are good cops and good government officials but there are all too many greedy and corrupt people running this country. That sentiment alone tears at my heart.

After seeing that video I knew it was time for me to pick up my journal again. I’ve really been avoiding writing over this quarantine for no reason in particular.
As I sat with my coffee and journal I looked around. The light was pouring into the windows and onto my skin, I felt its warmth. The dogs were sleeping and I felt an overwhelming sense of appreciation come over me. Even with all the greed and killing in the world, I can still see the beauty in each day. There is no way I can or will ever let anyone steal the joy from my life. I learned this in my later years of high school. I was a very angry young adult. I had hatred in my heart for the man who killed my father and I was mad that someone had broken my mother’s heart. I let this anger take the form of violence and in my insecurities, I became a very aggressive person. It wasn’t until I had a psych professor in college that I began to heal myself and start to forgive my father's killer. When you hate someone you are always letting them have power over you.

Seeing that daughter in that video cry for her mothers pain was such an insight into the love and innocence we all have as children. We are way more similar than we are different. Even when people do really fucking bad things, I try and tell myself “they are me just in a different set pair of shoes.” We all have the capability to love, hate, and even kill but to me, the killing of anyone is a cowardly act that is always centered in fear. It takes a lot more effort to be the bigger person and to forgive those that have done wrong to you but I believe that act of awareness is exactly what it means to be human.

Throughout these protests for George Floyd, I have had many opinions but something I have realized is that our opinions aren’t as concrete as we believe they are more like mud slowly dripping down a hill. Something that is true today may no longer be true tomorrow. What I do believe deep in my fucking heart is that killing is wrong. Yet our culture glorifies killers in movies, in uniforms, on the streets, and in our music. That badest man in the precinct has a lot more in common with the badest man on the street than they both know.
The true victims are the ones that have to grow up in the absence of a parent and separating little black children and little white children from their parents is a travesty.
Not only has this happened to me by the murder of my father who was a police officer but I had always wondered about the children of the man who killed my father. There were organizations and other cops that helped my family get through that time but who’s there to help a little boy who’s dad gets life in prison? No child is at fault in either situation. I hope the killing stops. I hope that the police and the protesters realize this is a human rights issue, not a political republican vs democrat issue. Do not let the government belittle black lives any longer. We cannot enter a violent civil war with our neighbors we need to enter a civil war with the politicians in power. Think about that mother's pain in that video and think about the pain of the mothers who have lost their children working in the line of duty. America is better off a melting pot where mothers make their babies dinner, not board there babies up in wooden boxes.

Please let black people have this time to mourn and to protest.

Making friends during the quarantine.

Slowly life is beginning to return back to normal.
I was able to see some friends this weekend and even lucky enough to hike to a favorite spot of mine with one of my best friends.
It really put into perspective the importance of human contact.
Life isn’t meant to be lived over facetime.
Although we are lucky to be able to have such amazing technologies that allow us to stay connected real connection happens face to face.

I feel so lucky to still have the friends I made as young boy.
Most of us are still very close and call each other from time to time but when we’re back together no time seems to have passed.
For myself this happens when you find friends with similar interests.
As interests change so do most relationships.

Now living in NYC away from my high school friends and family.
I’ve had the challenge of making new friends.
Not to replace the old ones but to foster new relationships.
Not an easy task at all but I find it’s more of the fear of rejection that holds people back with this task.
We all think friends should come naturally and they should but it takes a little effort to put yourself out there. (Especially if you’re a freelancer.)
Not to mention we’re in the middle of a quarantine so how the fuck does one make friends in this time?

Technology.
There is still time to set up some group zoom calls or to have one on one zoom calls with people you want to know.
You can set up a cocktail hour with work colleagues, or even organize a group around your interests.
People will join if you put it out there and once this quarantine is done you can set up in person hang outs.

I think this is the genius part about using zoom calls or facetime during the quarantine, it allows you to plant the seed in someones mind you might not have been able to access before.

Wherever you can give people the time of day, you never know where they may be able to take you or where you can take them.

The right tool for your message.

Before bed last night I got a call from one of my best friends just to catch up.
The conversation had such an easy going flow and quickly we dove into deeper topics.
This friend in particular I hold in such high regard because of his honesty and intelligence.
I told him what I have been up to journaling, shooting, podcasting.
He expressed his desire to start a podcast but I could hear the apprehension in his voice.
I too felt the same way before I tried to start doing this.
I still feel weird about it but I got over what people will think of me because my intentions are to help someone like me 5 years ago learn what I wanted to know.
There is no better time to start than now and even though I wasn’t ready to start a podcast I did.
It pains me to think of someone with such intelligence and talent for thoughtful conversation to waste that gift.
That doesn’t mean my friend should podcast it just means that he should share his gift with the world.
If people like it they will come.
If they don’t fuck it shift into something else.
Finding a tool for your passion isn’t easy.
You have to try a lot of different things to understand what the right tool for yourself is.
For myself my passion has always been storytelling but I can’t always accomplish it with words.
I need images to aid me in that process.
The photos below were from a walk I took with my girlfriend around my neighborhood pretty simple but in the campaigns I’ve done for brands storytelling is at the forefront of the images.
It’s not the product I am photographing that I am trying to show in my images it’s why we are using it that makes a visual story important.

This is how you find the tool for your voice.
For myself podcasting was the best option for me to help my 21 year old self how to grow my photography career.
This blog is the best tool to help motivate myself for the day and to help others grow from my own mistakes.

If you are looking to grow in anything think about what works for you and share that with other people.
It for sure will open up conversations that you may have never had in turn helping both parties get one step closer to what they want to achieve.

Hope this helps,
Atticus

Don't get distracted.

I don’t mind the repeating nature of things as they are now as long as there is progress in repetition.
Finding that progress when your mind has been thrown off cadence can be difficult.
So what do we do now?
Do we look for jobs, make our own, or do nothing at all.
Over this quarantine I’ve had moments of high hopes and pure despair and what I miss most is taking photos of people.
I think that’s okay.
Collectively these feelings all just make me want to take more photos.
Boredom gives me too many ideas so the way I am deciding on what to follow now is really about repeatability.
Can I do it everyday or multiple times a week.
If the answer is no then I scrap it.
This brings me to my next thought.
Why do we stray from our daily tasks when we clearly know what they are?
For me it’s impulse control.
When I get the impulse watch a youtube video it often spirals in a vortex.
Now that I understand many of my impulses I am able to stop them much easier than before.
There is another type of distraction I often face.
Replacing important tasks like finishing a pitch deck for a brand for less important tasks ex. cleaning my room.
If you’re making a schedule for tomorrow have a hierarchy of what is most important and tackle that shit first.
This is something really helping me make progress in my goals this month that I didn’t last month because I let smaller housekeeping tasks take over my days.

Hope this helps.

All the best,
Atticus

Don't let likes hold you back.

I’ve learned a lot over the past two months especially when it comes to going after certain goals.
Over the past few years, I’ve spoken on this blog about consistency.
I still hold that sentiment to be true.
For me, consistency is way more important than intensity.
Don’t set goals like run a marathon. Instead set a goal to run 3 miles every day and once that gets easy to raise it to 5.
I’m taking this advice myself right now and I am seeing more progress than if I were to crush myself one day a week.
That goes for every practice whether it’s writing, blogging, vlogging, jogging, or sewing.
Another point I’m realizing is that it does not matter how many views, likes, or followers, you get.
Do not become obsessed with likes.
Fall in love with the practice.
This will help you refine your methods and hopefully, over time you will gain traction with the people you want to see your work.
For example, I have been podcasting lately and boy am I not good at it yet, but each time I am noticing things and getting better.
Once progress starts to happen it’s easy to become addicted to your work whether it’s physical or mental labor.
Lastly, you are not the work you make, if it sucks at first don’t shame yourself give more effort the next day and over time all plants that are watered will grow.

Market to one person.

Somedays you’ll have no idea what to take pictures of and somedays you will have no idea what to write about.
Yet in all the time I have been writing and shooting I find that it’s more important to do it then it is to know exactly what you’re going to do.
The biggest strides I have made in my knowledge have been from failing.
I recently started a podcast and fuck it’s been a learning curve.
Not only is it trouble shooting software issues, distance, and wifi connections, but I need to work on my skills as a conversationalist along with interviewing and topics.
The good thing is I don’t feel my identity attached to podcasting as much as I do making images.
I feel that with podcasts I have the freedom to be very specific and very focused.
If I want to talk about how each person I interview relates to photography I can do that.
Where as in photography I have to make a living from it which brings up the issue of isolating certain clients.
People say to me all the time why don’t you shoot weddings?
My work has never been geared towards weddings and I don’t think it ever will.
My work has always been geared towards lifestyle imagery and in the past 2 years has been leaning more towards documentary or reportage photography where the narrative is most important.
I think the key take away here is that I am in the process of learning the importance of marketing towards one person.
I believe that if you market to everyone you market to no one and I’ve seen that in my photography because I tend to shoot my interests which vary greatly.
For example, I’ve seen photographers who only shoot MMA and they do much better career-wise than photographers who shoot all sports.
Rationally you’d think that someone who can do it all would be more in demand but that’s just not the case.
With any craft, I don’t think you have to stick to one genre.
You can make your money as a musician playing pop music and play jazz in your off time.
The importance here is to showcase a focused body of work.
It’s challenging but if you break it down and think about marketing to one specific person it becomes much easier.

Below are photos from my evening walk last night.
You can experiment in your free time and practice new techniques.
Experimenting is a great way to figure out what you’d like to focus on.

I made a podcast.

A few weeks ago I decided to create a podcast to help people pursue a career in the arts.
Whether that be in photography or by creating a business based around your medium of choice.
The first 2 weeks have been owners of clothing brands that I chose to interview because of their unique approach to clothing and because brands like these are often the people who employ photographers.
It’s been a bit of a learning curve but just like this blog, my goal here is consistency and growth.
I’ve already been learning a bit from talking to the first two guests we’ve had on the podcast and it is my hope that this podcast will help others apply new knowledge to their careers as creatives.

This week I interviewed AJ Livingston a design consultant and owner of Knickerbocker a NYC based clothing company that produces all of the clothing for the New York Times.

You can find the video below.

Make memories.

This morning I was having my coffee sitting and writing in my journal listening to the sirens that plague my neighborhood pass by my apartment window. I thought back to the stories I revisit. Stories I tell new people that I meet when I find strong connections in their company. Stories often good or bad are the most interesting times in our lives. I find that this is why I enjoyed life so much in high school and through college. I was always a yes man. I was always up for doing something new and uncomfortable that I had never done before (not drugs I was a baby with that shit)
It’s led to some pretty ridiculous stories.
Now with all of us quarantined I can’t help but think of what these moments will sound like 20 years from now.
When your children or grandchildren ask you about the quarantine of 2020 what will it sound like?
Will you tell them about Tiger king, Netflix binging, the projects you made at home, how you had to facetime to continue making photographs, or how the homeless people set up their beds on every subway car in NYC. Will you have videos to show this time?
It’s a really interesting time we’re living in don’t forget to make a few memories along the way.

Leave comfort behind.

I’ve been dying to make things with people lately but obviously with the quarantine this isn’t really possible.
This got me thinking about community building. Early on in this quarantine I asked myself how can I still shoot photos safely. My first thought was a facetime shoot and since then I have seen tons of photographers doing it. I don’t think original thought is really the goal here it’s more about staying connected and continuing to work through the barriers of creativity.
Restrictions often inspire the most creative forms of art.

Overcoming a restriction can also feel uncomfortable which I believe is a huge part of the “luck” I’ve experienced in my life and it’s also a problem I’ve been dealing with lately.
I haven’t felt out of my comfort zone in sometime.
Which means I haven’t been overcoming obstacles.
The last time I can remember feeling slightly uncomfortable was when I set up a backdrop on the street and asked strangers if I can take their portraits.
Even that though was only uncomfortable for the first few people I spoke to then it was fine.
Discomfort is kinda like jumping into cool water in that sense, you get used to it pretty quick.
My point here is what makes you uncomfortable is what will allow you to overcome restrictions.

The next step in growth is overcoming barriers.

I can say now the feeling of being lost I have had during this quarantine isn’t just a result of the isolation it’s a result of not attacking the limits of my comfort zone.
If you’re feeling a bit lost here I really think doing something that makes you uncomfortable, social awkward, or physically challenging is a great way to move yourself forward.

Best of luck,
Atticus

Below are photos I shot over Facetime with a friend (Jourdan Miller) who is currently stuck in a hotel in Jacksonville, Florida.

The best advice I've ever received.

Over the past few days I was able to spend some time with my brothers in Connecticut.
The weekend was great it with a couple days of nice weather it was nice to just observe what my brothers were doing to stay busy.
I on the other hand didn’t do much I shot some photos, had some beers, and read a book.
I am back in NYC now and looking back at the images made me think about the best advice I had ever received.

“Small actions performed everyday compound over time.”

If you break down something you love to do or a goal you have into 1 step you can take everyday you will be so much closer to that goal in 30-60 or 90 days.
It’s a great lesson to take action on over this quarantine.

I’ve seen the effects of this principle and I think part of the benefit is discipline.
For example if I was a basketball coach I would take the guy who shoots 50 free throws a day over the guy who takes 1000 free throws one day per month.

Besides the math part of who took more shots the point is that you are breaking the goal into a daily enjoyable practice and making it into bite size chunks.

I firmly believe you can apply this to most anything.
You want your business to make more money we’ll reach out to 5 potential clients a day or better yet focus on finding 20 great clients. (trying this myself)
You want to get fit? Get some cardio in 20-45 minutes a day don’t kill yourself one day a week for 4 hours.
You want to write a book? Write 20 minutes a day.

Over this quarantine ask yourself what small action can you take everyday that in 30-60 days will lead to massive progress? Maybe you write letters to friends and family members to strengthen your bond, maybe you pick up that keyboard you never used, maybe you organize one shelf a day.
The possibility is infinite and much easier when broken down into small chunks.

Hope this helps.

With love,
Atticus

Accept Loneliness.

Being a freelancer you learn to deal with loneliness a bit more frequently than most.
Now with this quarantine, many of us are having to deal with loneliness and for some, it’s uncharted territory.
I had a period of time where I felt very lonely.
I was working from home every day and spending my weekend nights trying to finish up the week’s work.
I rarely saw my friends and I was so lonely I was questioning whether or not I wanted to continue with a freelance career.
Then I heard a podcast that kind of blew my mind.
This lady was saying loneliness is not really, it is more of less the perception that people see you as alone or by yourself.
This really struck a chord with me and I’ve noticed in my own life whenever I have a schedule planned and I follow it I almost never feel lonely.
My point here is the loneliness we are all experiencing right now is manageable with good tasks and a new perspective.

Neighborhood oddities.

The Neighborhood feels odd now.
I walk but don’t see many faces.
My brain doesn’t feel alarmed by people wearing masks like it once did.
If anything a mask is as friendly as a wave from a stranger.
Time is seemingly passing faster with each day and finally, it’s starting to hit me how much time I’ve been wasting.
I’m feeling awakened in what needs to be made by my hands and it’s so easy to overcomplicate that.
There is a reason people why people express their craft as a discipline.
I believe that has to do with the restrictions they place on their work.
When to do it and what to show.
If it’s consistent enough and of good quality, I believe people will take a liking to anyone work but left wild it’s very difficult to gain traction.
For myself, photography is no longer just a practice.
It has to be more disciplined.
Yes, I can shoot anything I see but I need to categorize the work before I show it much like genres on Netflix.

Don’t let your work get lost in your practice.
Let a discipline guide your showcase.

Between hope and despair.

We’re living in strange times.
It seems somedays I’m so optimistic and other days just feel grey and slow.
In this series below I photographed my neighbors and although the lighting was ever changing I really wanted the conflicting feelings I am having to show in the images.

For now I will continue to be grateful for today and hopeful for the future.