Watching.
Photo Journal #23
Watching.
Watching.
I’ve spoken about it briefly in my Instagram posts, but Meg and I have decided to leave our apartment in NYC this year, and it's for different reasons than you might think. For starters, we want to see what else is out there before we settle into a place for the long haul, but most importantly, we want to honor our values as a family. We love nature, time spent together, making things, and we want to focus on our health. The problem with our life in New York was that we only saw each other in passing because we were trying to build our schedules around our work while being fair to our dog. 2024 for us is about getting back to the most basic things that made us happy as children while still focusing on our careers.
Although that sounds all well and good, we’re three months into not having an apartment, and it is not as easy as we’ve anticipated. As I write this from a sublet in Brooklyn, NY, the cold hard fact is that we need money to live, and what place has more money than NYC in America? Not many.
Which brings me to my next point: a lot of people view NYC as a free ATM, like they can come here, try out for an acting gig, and get on Broadway, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I like to think of this city more like a piggy bank, where you need to deposit more than you’re taking out; otherwise, you’ll overdraft your account.
For example, the photos below were taken on a Sunday walk. I knew there was a soccer league where all of the teams were owned by brands, meaning the players were primarily owners, directors, designers, etc. So I wanted to walk by and grab a few shots. After about 20 minutes of shooting, I edited the photos the same night, posted them to my Instagram story, and tagged the companies. To my surprise, a bunch of them reposted my work, and some of them booked me for shoots in the following weeks.
This is why giving to your community is at the heart of NYC and at the core of finding new work. Anyone can sit on their computer and send emails all day, but someone told me when I was first starting out as a photographer, “Show, don’t tell,” which has been some of the most sage advice in my career. Although I think this advice leaves out an important detail that I’d like to amend: you have to use your skills to show and give back to those you want to work for. By taking these soccer photos, I didn’t ask any of the companies for work; instead, I just gave them a little gift, and people love good photos of themselves.
Life lately has been a time for change.
Yesterday, I used an AI image editor to create alternate versions of my photos. The results were both amazing and terrifying. Some images, especially those with faces, ended up looking like horror film stills. I had the most success with obscure, blurry images that didn't prominently feature faces. Nonetheless, waiting for the new images to develop was enjoyable; it reminded me of waiting for film to be developed.
What really impressed me was that Dall-e, the software that generated the images from my photos, provided four variants of each image. Seeing them together made them feel even more powerful. This highlights the potential of repeating the same image with multiple subjects and having a well-defined process.
The color accuracy was also impressive, and I will definitely take away color palettes from Dall-e's interpretation of my colors.
While this was a fun experiment, I don't see myself using AI in my commercial photography anytime soon. However, I do believe that AI will soon become a mainstay in commercial advertising and the art world.
In each slide the first images are interpretation of my photos made by Dall-e.
In the second slide is a screen shot of my reference images.
It’s been a 4 months since I’ve last posted on here which feels strange because I used to post on here nearly everyday.
I like the idea of keeping this going though because it serves as a time capsule for my work.
If you take the time and dig back far enough you’ll see a younger more eager photographer’s work and part of me misses that struggle.
There were days when I would work back to back manual labor jobs and just have an hour of sunlight left to take my photos for the day and I’d never miss photographing that last hour of daylight.
As you grow in this career you start to see your other contemporaries making unspoken rules for your work to take place.
For example magazines, agencies, and other creatives often won’t work with you if you don’t have a full team of people to accomplish your vision.
I understand this but I also love the idea of focusing on the individuals story and who they are as a person when I am taking their photo.
As corny as it sounds photography is a dance and when you have 20-30 people on a shoot that dance has a lot of moving parts in order for it to work properly.
So for me I like to take each shoot as it is somethings need 50 people some things need 2 you can’t put a one size fits all blanket over your process.
All the best,
Atticus
Orchard Street Runners 10/14/22
The start of a longer series on working dogs.
It’s always hurt my confidence.
Comments made with negativity directed at me.
I’ve always pined over them to see what I could fix and each time it chiseled off a piece of who I was.
Actions are either made out of Love or out of Fear; in those times, I would respond with fear.
Afraid to lose the approval of others so I would regress back into to a shell too tight for my being.
Finally, in my awareness, I no longer lust for the approval of those individuals projecting their insecurities on others.
When you respond with love you feel loved.
When you respond with fear you get fear.
I know which side of the coin I want to land on.
Reminding myself to enjoy the often overlooked moments in life.
The heat wave rolls in and stays long enough to chew on it.
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt true hate but I know I’ve felt true love.
It doesn’t leave much room for other feelings.
I first understood these conflicting feelings when I was a young boy.
I’d spend hours thinking about my father’s killer and how I’d wish that moment didn’t happen.
Very quickly I realized I would drive myself insane wishing for my dad to come back to life because things don’t work that way and thankfully these mental bouts opened me up to a lot of love (Followed by my mom’s amazing breakfast feasts every weekend.)
As I’m nearing 30 I look back on my life and I can see how cyclical things are.
For the first time in a while, I’m experiencing hate again in some form or another, maybe it’s jealousy or maybe I’m annoying who knows but the bottom line is I have some people in my life that don’t like me and they have made it a point to make that evident.
What hurts the most is that I care for these people and I think we can all relate to that feeling but the bottom line is people like this are toxic.
The best way I can put it is shown in a study done by Yale.
They asked a graduating class in a survey if they would rather take a job after graduation where everyone in their graduating class makes $400,000 per year or they make take a job paying $300,000 and the rest of their graduating class makes $100,000.
Over 90% of the students chose the latter which blew my mind because even if I don’t like you I still hope that you achieve all that you want to in life even if that means you’re doing better than me.
Even now it is still astounding to me how jealous people can be and thankfully I attribute the overwhelming love my mother gave me to my sense of security.
As disheartened as I am to have to deal with 2 people that are really pestering me I am really grateful that I don’t feel the need to hurt people because of my insecurities.
The reason I’m writing about this here is to remind myself to kill people with kindness which is something I wouldn’t have done as a child.
I was once extremely reactive and I’m sure I can still be at times but I’m trying to remind myself that life is a marathon.
By killing these people with kindness now I see no improvement, for lack of better words I’m still getting shit on but in the future, I hope the kindness will float to the top.