Forgiveness

Day 250 of 365

With these blogs I am always trying to be as transparent as I can be without spilling every single detail about my life. After all this blog is mainly about personal growth more than it is photography. Photography is just the vessel that made me take personal growth into my own hands. I am not perfect I slip up and for a few weeks I have been in a crumby low energy funk.
I’ve let it keep me down, but just by making small decisions (keeping my phone off and reading an inspiring book) I had the best morning and I had a productive day yesterday that is helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

One thing I would say I am really good at when I make the conscious decision to do so is to forgive.
Forgiveness.
It’s so freaking simple yet so often I find it more satisfying to be mad…but it’s not.
It lowers your energy, makes people around you put off, doesn’t make you any more right even if you are, and it is a massive waste of precious brain space.

Today I just want to forgive all the negative shit I’ve been holding onto.
It’s a miracle just to be here in this moment being able to pay myself, not have a 9-5, live in NYC and to be doing what I love most.

If your holding onto something let it go.
Even if a person still wants to hate you love them.
Why would we ever waste your energy on resentment?
Don’t, you’re too good for that.
Seriously the best feeling in life is not revenge it’s hearing that opening guitar riff to Superstition by Stevie Wonder and not giving a single fuck.

Enjoy your day folks.

Take your time.

Day 249 of 365

From this morning’s walk at Rogers Orchard a place I frequented this time of year as a boy.
I guess this just morning I just needed to clear my head and look around.
It was nice to have a moment to myself in a quiet place.

Feeling a place.

Day 248 of 365

How do you feel with where you are right now?
I mean look down, look up and around you.
Are your feet in the right spot?
Mine aren’t I’m in my hometown this week and I know where my feet belong.
I think you should be where you feel the best and where you get the most meaningful work done.
Getting there depends on one thing.
Making important decisions in your life and seeing them through.
For me that’s Brooklyn and places where I am close to a beach.
I love to start my days with a really cold swim an ice coffee and some writing.
Today I’m already missing Brooklyn so the below pictures are what I am craving.

Where do you belong?
What are you doing to get back there?

Trust the process.

Day 247 of 365

There is an ebb and flow with the way I create work.
It comes and it goes but consistency is the key to getting it to come back. 

Wether it be morning walks, personal projects, and self imposed deadlines each process is instrumental in getting the tide to rise.
If there is anything you want to pursue creatively or otherwise do it everyday.
Even if it is just 20 minutes.
Devote yourself to your vision.
Carry your camera.
Shoot with your iPhone.
Write everyday.
Whatever it is do it regardless of the outcome.
Let the process be your medicine the finished product will eventually follow.

Don't cheat yourself.

Day 246 of 365

Today I am a bit frustrated.
Although it’s Saturday and it’s a beautiful day I am trying to learn how to edit in Capture one but for the life of me I cannot figure out how to control the colors like I do in Photoshop.

I feel like this software is kicking my ass.

I’m tired of editing in coffee shops too bright to see my screen.
The colors I once controlled now escape me.
I need a dark place to create my work.
Not from a place of sorrow but from happiness.
If what you need is expensive pay for it.
Don’t cheat yourself on what you need to create more.

To sum this up I will not let this learning curve control me.
One day, one step at a time I am going to make this software my bitch.

Go forward.

Day 245 of 365

The fear of forward.
Responsibility and commitment have always scared me as I’ve always associated them with the end of my freedom.
As I age I don’t think this fear is well founded.
Responsibility has a sweet spot where enough of it only enable more freedom but too much is a burden.
Managing this lifestyle into adulthood is my ultimate goal right now.
I want my earnings to exceed my responsibility so trips like the one featured below can continue to happen.
I often forget that my lifestyle does not need to match those of my contemporaries.
I don’t need a big house, a wife, a rang rover.
My goals in life are hardly material.
Experience and a lifestyle of progression is really what makes me happy so I am going to continue to pursue that.
When I am learning is when I am happiest.
Knowledge excites me.
So I guess today I hope you tackle the unknown.
Research something you want to learn about and take small steps to learn it.
Progression is a catalyst for happiness.
Have a great day everyone.

Get inspired to get yourself out of a funk.

Day 244 of 365

I don’t have much to say lately.
I still write every morning but I am looking to switch some things up photographically.
I am trying to look at why I am making things and if taking a photo is the best way to portray the message I am trying to get across. This may lead to me making some videos, collages, or sculptures who knows maybe I don’t even know the medium I may use for a new project.

Between that, looking for an apartment and working on commercial jobs I am really inspired.
Inspiration comes in waves but when it does come I always hit the ground running and work seems to pour out of me.

I haven’t had any photo ideas for a while but since coming home to NY the ideas are now flowing.

Most of my inspiration lately seems to come from movie stills and music. Hopefully this helps any of you aspiring photographers or artists get some ideas.

Below are photos from a day spent skating and trekking around Salt lake city, Utah with my best friends.

Done is always better than perfect.

Day 243 of 365

It may be hard for me to realize at times but done is always better than perfect.
These may not be my best edits but waking up this morning walking around and shooting whatever I saw and then editing it the same day feels good.
Don’t slow your creations down by being too much of a perfectionist.
Get shit done.

Bring your friends with you.

Day 242 of 365

I dream a lot.
Not about my own ass, butt about traveling with my best friends.
We hiked yesterday it kicked my ass but at the end of the hike there was a waterfall.
It’s dry as hell in Utah so the water isn’t run off from rain it’s run off from ice and snow way up in the mountains.
The photo below is of us going into this freezing water.
Although it was painful it was my favorite thing we’ve done in Utah so far.

My brain often seeks comfort but in times like this I always have to remind myself that all of the best experiences in my life have come from diving into something painful first.
Wether it be a long run, talking to a stranger, singing in public, etc. etc. everything you want in life lies on the other side of your fears.

It’s even hard for me to tackle a lot of my fears sometimes but with each day I am taking conscious steps to attack these fears.

What I want is to continue to travel the world and to be able to take my friends on these trips with them not having to be able to pay anything.

It’s not easy but life is way too short not to make your dreams your reality.

Sunset on Antelope Island.

Day 241 of 365

Living in the present.

Day 240 of 365

With all of the shit going on in our lives right now it’s so easy to stress about the future, dwell on the past and forget the present.
There is only one time that matters.
Right now
I tend to believe that if you give your all to each moment and opportunity as it arrises you will lead a good life.
That’s really all I’m after, a good life well lived and a family to share it with.
Each day I realize how short life is and it only seems to be a ball rolling down an increasingly steeper hill.
Don’t forget to be in this moment, to love with your whole heart and let those around you know how much they mean to you.
I often forget to do this, and other times I look like a complete sap because I am not afraid to say I love you to my closest friends and family.
If today was all that I had, I want them to know.

Embracing variation.

Day 239 of 365

In Utah today in a town that is largely a military community visiting one of my best friends in the world.

Growing up ridiculously American I ate at subways, Mcdonalds, Dunkin Donuts etc.
The beauty of these places is that there is absolutely no variation in the product no matter where you go.
It’s cheap identical and pretty low quality but it’s always the same and Americans love that.
As I got older I started to realize the quality of smaller restaurants, coffee shops, etc. and although the product may vary the health and taste of the product was almost always better.

In different places around this country they make the same foods differently and holy shit has it been such a pleasant surprise so many times.
For example in Colorado I once had the best sausage egg and cheese between two waffles I’ve ever had, or in Australia they put vanilla ice cream in my ice coffee.
Variation and new perspectives is such a beautiful thing in life.
Next time your in a new city avoid the Dunkin Donuts try the local coffee shops, talk to the local shop owners get the inside scoop on where to go and try something new.

The shop owner I met today recommended Antelope canyon since we are so close to it.
Having done no research before this trip any tips on where to go will all be coming from the locals that live here.
Stoked to see this place later today.

It's not raining.

Day 238 of 365

It’s too nice out today so I edited these as quickly as I could in a coffee shop.
This is me not skipping a day due to good weather.

Love you guys hope everyone has a good day.

How to drown.

Day 237 of 365

For as long as I could remember I’ve had an affinity for the ocean. From the time my brothers and I were babies my mother took us to the beaches in Rhode Island every summer. We’d spend our days in the water and end our nights with bon fires on the beach wrapped in sweatshirts eating reeses s’mores and telling ghost stories. My memories of the ocean are visceral, the smells and the feeling of salt on my skin are stained in my mind but days like yesterday really put into perspective how such a beautiful thing can so quickly turn into a beast.

I’ll start by saying this, I am not that strong of a swimmer. I never was on a swim team and I did not grow up on the ocean. I was and still am merely a summer tourist of the sea hence my naivety and lack of judgement when it comes to tides, swells, and the wind. Yesterday I paddled for 45 minutes trying to go with the tide to get out to the break. With no luck I was consistently battered by waves until I had to give up.
A short time later with ocean water still in my lungs I tried to get out again. This time it was a success. After some time waiting for a smaller waves I was slammed again completely out of gas and cramped under water. I tried a couple more times after this but even the most experienced surfers out there were hardly catching anything.

This experience was extremely humbling. The ocean and nature all together is not something to mess with and yesterday I had what I would call beginner syndrome.
When your so naive about difficult something is so you over estimate your abilities and end up biting off more than you can chew.

I’m still chewing.

Why we hate.

Day 236 of 365

Bastards don’t lose sleep over their stubborn ways.
Dripping wax into your eyes doesn’t burn them.
There is no feeling in a stubborn bull. 
No heart in a gun. 
You can’t ask for an apology from a bullet.
Best move on or the mourning will find you.

I’ve always wondered why we hate things foreign to us. I think it’s a deep routed primitive feeling that serves little purpose today. I hate certain people, things, beliefs, It helps me avoid being dragged down into things I know are no good for me. I don’t think I should hate them though and here’s why.

Hate has always been a source of anger for me.
As a kid I hated the world because it took my father from me.
I was extremely violent.
I felt like the only way to avoid the same fate and to not let the bad guy win was to beat the shit out of anyone that picked on me or my friends.
Well I learned quickly there is no bad guy.
There’s just people.
We’re all capable of really good things and really bad things.
Ex. Nazi Germany. There is no way ever German during WW2 was a bad person.

I guess the goal here for me is to become conscious of my hate and to instead extend love and empathy towards those things I do not like instead of aggression and animosity.

Having empathy towards your opposition isn’t a badge of approval but rather it’s a chance to learn in a positive way and besides hate takes a lot more energy than not giving a f*ck.

Hope you all enjoy your day.

Ego is the enemy.

Day 235 of 365

So much of what I Identify with is bullshit. I don’t know how it is for you but my pride has stopped me from doing more things than I’d like to admit.
There is an ego I identify with an the imposter I sometimes feel that I am.
I pick and chose.
I am too good for this not good enough for that.
It’s all a big fat load of bullshit.
Do whatever the fuck you want and don’t apologize for it.
Everyday is a chance for me to work my ass off towards my goals, meet new people, see new things, and have fun doing it.
That’s exactly what I intend on continuing.
It’s your life to lead not your parents or anyone else’s.

Below are photos I am featuring because they were shot by my best friend Dylan on a trip to Belize.
I bought a point and shoot camera before the trip because I knew he would come up with some whacky photos.
Dylan is the most creative person I have ever met because he has the ability to finish projects with lightning speed.
These photos are important to this blog because Dylans creations have everything to do with ignoring the ego.
He is not a photographer but he didn’t let that stop him he was a person having fun with a camer and he came back with some amazing pictures.
I think whatever you do it’s important to have fun while doing it and the work will benefit from it.
Here are his photos from that trip.

Monday morning.

Day 234 of 365

It's easy to feel on paper. 
There's less judgement.
I can say things that out loud would alarm most ear drums. 
It's good practice to feel for once. 
What I couldn't in front of her. 
 

Why Waterbury is the best place to live in Connecticut.

Day 233 of 365

Sorry, I bated you with that title, Waterbury is a pretty terrible place to live. 

To get to the point it's gross how much people bitch about where they live how little there is to do yet I never see anyone doing anything. 
I run about 4-5 days a week rain or shine.
If it rains I am always and I mean always the only one outside. 
Even if it rains I'm out taking photos, in the cold, in the snow, etc. I have literally never run into anyone in inclement weather. 

It is so foreign to see people walking outside here other than in the summer that most of the time in the fall I get the cops called on me for photographing in suburban neighborhoods.  
I have scoured so much of this town and Waterbury for things to photograph and I don't think it is possible to photograph everything these towns have to offer in one lifetime. 
So forgive me if I sound a bit crass but I think it's bullshit when people say there is nothing new to do here. 
You can always reframe your surroundings. 
There is opportunity everywhere. 
You just have to seek it out and make shit happen for yourself. 

Staying poor is a mindset.

Day 232 of 365

Scarcity is more of a mindset than a reality.  People are poor yes. 
Some people are extremely poor but I believe what keeps them there has more to do with a mindset than our realities. 

I never believed that there weren't any photography jobs out there. 
Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten into photography but at times I've felt myself slip into a mindset of scarcity. 
When I was younger I worried what if someone doesn't hire me this month I will miss my bills etc. 
Once I realized there is an infinite amount of money in the world this fear has been so put on the back burner and business has been better than ever. 

There are enough jobs in this world for everyone. 
Maybe these jobs don't exist yet but then you can go make one. 
There is no excuse not to find work. 

I work about 2 days a month right now and I pay all my bills. 
Yes I write, edit, take pictures, and contact potential clients pretty much everyday but this is hardly work. 
Most of it is fun and the days I have shoots with clients are almost always extremely fun. 

I do not believe in competition, I do not believe in scarcity I only believe in quality and abundance. 

If you provide something of quality and exceed peoples expectations consistently you will live in abundance. 

Everything you want is out there. 
Go get what you want. 

Keep good friends.

Day 231 of 365

You are 1 part the company you keep and 1 part you.  It's a dance.  If you want to do more of something that your friends aren't into or aren't doing you need to find the people that are doing it.  Otherwise you will be stuck doing things you don't want to do and you will be something you do not like. 
 

Ex. If you hang with friends that never create anything on the weekends, or do anything other than drink you are going to find yourself never progressing in your free time. 

Although weekends like this are a blast, everything in moderation because what is daily will define.

Surround yourself with people that inspire you to do more and do better.