Day 158 of 365

Yesterday I had to go to Midtown to drop off some film.  I figured I would try and get out of my comfort zone and ask 3 strangers if I could take their portraits.  I told my girlfriend Meg if I didn't she needed to post her most embarrassing photo of me.  We were together so she had to hold me to it.  It was surprisingly way easier than you would think but the biggest realization I had while looking for interesting people is that there a lot of people on there phones that you have to go through to find the interesting people.  I mean my eyes lit up when I saw an old lady with purple hair, security guards talking with people on the street, people hating there jobs, babies crying, and even the awkward sweaty cramming of people in a subway car.  I think the people embracing these moments are really doing something right.  I know it's cliche but  I didnt realize how drastic the disconnect has become until I really payed attention to it yesterday.  On that not I am going to Washington D.C. this weekend and I am leaving my phone at home.  In need of some quality time with my family.  

 

Below photos were taken yesterday around midtown. 

Day 157 of 365

Take time to smell the roses and get out of your own way. 

Life can be distracting, so distracting that we forget how good the ocean sounds, the feel of salt on our skin, or the sharp pain of cold water that instantly makes you have to pee..lol

I often take for granted that I'm able to do these things.  It's easy to get wrapped up in other success but then I grab my camera or jump in the ocean and think to myself what else could I need in this moment right now.  Not a god damn thing.  It feels good to live in the now and it's a constant battle to bring my brain back to the present, but when it's here it's easy to see just how lucky I truly am. 

If your struggling or wanting more I hope you realize you probably have some pretty amazing people or things you can do in your life.  Most all of us do it can just be hard to see sometimes. So get out of your own way and let things happen. 

Day 156 of 365

Good things can't be forced. 

Below pictures feature some of my friends and I skating (and Brendan scootering) around an abandoned highway this past Sunday. 

 

Day 155 of 365

Yesterday my brother took me shooting for the first time.  I had never shot a gun before although I have seen guns and heard them fired nothing really prepares you for the thud a gun produces in your body once it is fired.  It's astounding, almost magical, and intoxicating all at the same time but I was apprehensive to fire a gun.  Although I love shooting BB guns and slingshots at cans (I can literally do it for a week and never get bored) a gun was the weapon used to kill my father. 

I remember being a little kid and telling my mom I wish guns had never been invented, or asking can they make them illegal.  I mean I guess if my dad had been killed by a knife I don't think it wouldn't make never cut a sandwich again.  This thought also brings to mind the utility of dangerous weapons.  I can cut rope, sandwiches, sticks for marsh-mellows all with a knife.  There is almost no utility for a gun other than hunting, unless you find yourself on a Dan Bilzerian trip and you need a quick way to open your beers. 

It's hard for me to believe that someone can point one of these things at another human being.  The sheer power of it is almost godlike and it is EXTREMELY fun to shoot at targets... you know the metal ones that aren't conscious don't have families, thoughts, or loved ones. 

I remember riding a dirt bike as a kid and the first 3 days on it I thought it was too fast that I would kill myself on this thing because I couldn't control it.  Then after riding it for a week it felt slow as molasses and I immediately wanted something faster.  I only went shooting once but I could feel a similar power with a gun.  It's so powerful, but the next one is more power, or more accurate and shoots differently.  I could see how someone could see how someone could get desensitized to using a gun and forget how much destruction it is capable of. 

With all of that being said I still don't blame the gun for killing my dad I blame the person who did it and the situation that he was in.  For responsible and mentally sound people shooting is an extremely fun recreational sport, and also a way to protect themselves and their families from the rise of mass shootings in the United States.  Where do I stand on this issue?  I am not sure yet really.  I don't personally think I need a gun at this moment in my life.  What I do know for sure is that nobody but the military or law enforcement needs a fully automatic or high capacity magazine.  

Maybe one day I'll want to buy a gun but for now I'll just stick to sling shots and going shooting when my brothers invite me. 

Day 153 of 365

Came home on a beautiful spring day to my roommates making a non-cheese, cheese board.  I don't know it was a vegan thing but it tasted amazing.  Yesterday was a rough day for me but slowing down doing what I love and being with good people really made it that much better.  Don't forget to take time to smell the roses this weekend and if your like me bring tissues...Spring can be a pretty big pain in the ass. 

Day 152 of 365

I could scribble.
I feel it when it’s over.
An ending with each cycle. 

Not as linear as we once thought. 

Not a story.
Just poetic patrons on a rooftop shop searching for free eye candy.
An easy way to feel a sense of awe.
An easy way for me to be inspired.
You’d support me in my convictions, 

And I would question yours. 

 

  

Day 151 of 365

I will start by saying this,  there is nothing wrong with meeting your career ambitions with a stable job right out of college.  After all most of us desire stability but I don't feel that it is beneficial for me to hang out with people that are too comfortable with where they are at in their lives right now.   I think pain is the best catalyst for growth and comfort is the complete opposite of pain.  In this stage in my life I need to avoid comfort like the plague.  
I dream of sun drenched days, waking up in tents, living on the road again. 

Not a Nyc apartment, not a suburban house or a new car, I dream of experience, building a life with my brain and my own two hands.  Social status means nothing to me. 

Only my family, my work, and seeing people smile means anything.

Just as my father I too will die, and my awareness of my end motivates me to make each day count.  

Day 150 of 365

Stump grinder at heart. There are things you learn that make you work harder in less demanding fields. 

Thankful to have been a stump grinder and a granite fabricator. 

Day 149 of 365

I never understood how friends can be so afraid to express the bond between each other. Why is male companionship looked at in such a homophobic way? Love takes a level of confidence I find most admirable. 

To say I love you to your best friend as you hang up the phone leaves everything on the table. 
It's an acknowledgment of time and as Americans I think that's why we struggle to express our bond face to face. We're not afraid of love we're afraid to die. I tell you what though I won't wait for my brothers to die just for me to post a Facebook status. I know my loved ones know how I feel about them because I think it's important to do so while everyone's still here. 
The most confident thing you can do is tell your loved ones just how loved they are. 
Acknowledge the realness of time and enjoy it because there is no place like the present.

Day 148 of 365

I am going to keep this one simple because I think this speaks to the heart of one of my biggest flaws.  I hold onto to work too long leaving it forgotten or no longer up to my new standards.  So if I could share anything with anyone else trying to create or make anything with their bare hands, their voice, or their vision, that is "Release early and release often." 

You are not going to like your first project, not your second project, probably not even your 155th project but the important thing is if your afraid to release something it's probably because your taste is better than your work.  Which is a good thing, but the only way to decrease the gab from your skill level to your taste level is to make, make, make, and show, show, show.  If people laugh at you fuck em, but I hardly find thats the case most people admire people who put themselves out there.  Start making, start sharing, stop waiting. 

Day 147 of 365

Doing my best to not fight the current. 
Putting my nose in the right direction and letting my work take me somewhere. 
I've spent too many years fighting the current and each day I am learning to smell the roses and not over work myself beyond what my mental health can handle. 

I heard a quote today that really summed this notion up for me. 

It reads as follows

"Rest and recover or dream and discover." 

Your not dumb you get what it means but still most of us over work ourselves in search of things we are told we want. 

Dollar amounts were expected to need. 
I know exactly what I want and I'm getting it. 

I wish the same for you. 

 
 

Day 145 of 365

I neglect how important it is to spend time with inspiring people very often. 
It's so easily over looked for some reason but when you cross paths with someone so inspiring you think to yourself holy shit why am I not with someone like this everyday. 
It's like running, you can be on the road alone with your seemingly steady pace and then someone runs right by you at a faster speed that almost seems dialed in.  Without that person you'd still be pacing yourself at a light jog but because you saw what was possible your out here kicking ass now.  I think thats such a metaphor for life.   We don't realize what is possible when we surround ourselves with people that are doing the bare minimum, but once we hang out with people that are achieving more than ourselves we too work harder and achieve more than we thought we ever could.  It's as corny as the saying goes, "you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with."  I think thats exactly true but here is something no one ever said to me, "Don't take advice from someone who isn't where you want to be."  I wish I had known that younger confiding in friends and other people my own age when instead I should have looked up, should have looked around and asked myself who's kicking todays ass.  Who's making my dreams happen.  Those are the friends you want to have not a circle jerk of wishful dreams.  Just doing. 

Instead of alone, I'd be in the hopes of the inspiring peoples.

Day 144 of 365

It's early Monday morning and I was feeling a little down this morning.  Do I have the right to no probably not, I my health, a good family, and an amazing gf.  This melancholy feeling was fairly easy to shake once I thought of the things that make me happy.  It's corny as hell that the things that still make me happy as an adult are the same things that made me happy as a kid.  Time spent outside, being active, skating with my friends, making videos and taking pictures, good conversations, learning new things, and spending time with my family.  Besides my addiction to photographing things none of those listed above really need to be paid for.  Yet we so often have things we can't afford to impress people we don't like to have a bigger house to blah blah blah.  I don't want to forget the things that make me happy in search of validation.  I don't want to post a photo of my new house, or new car, etc. just so someone else can stroke my ego.  Searching for external validation might be right for other people but it is no good for me.  It has made me dependent on others opinions in the past it also made me feel that I need to be something I am not.  I'm not validation free I still have my peers I confide in but I am learning to trust my gut more everyday.  I don't know about you but my gut has some powerful things to say to me I think it's time we start trusting it and do what makes us happy as individuals so we can help make the world a better place. 

Happy Monday people. 

Day 142 of 365

New York to me is one of the best cities in the world.  Everything you give to new york it gives back 10x and there is never a dull moment.  New York is like a sports car that requires all of your attention and lately it has left me finding it difficult to find any balance.  It's more work then I ever thought I was capable of so to keep things fun I am trying to shoot on my commutes.  Grateful to be in this amazing city and I hope I have some more time for leisure activities in the near future. 

 

Day 141 of 365

The best tool for learning anything. 

 

We’re obsessed with endings in the American culture.

From the time we start school we are rewarded with endings and we’re measured by analytics.  

If you’re good for the week you get a candy, good for the month a pizza party, good for the semester a field trip, and good for the year move onto the next grade with honors.

The issue with this is it leaves us feeling unsatisfied when the benchmarks in our life are planned out by someone else, and then there is no one there to give a jolly rancher when we get there.

 

I don’t think accomplishments are endings contrary to everything I have ever learned in school.

I didn’t start photography to be anything, to win anything to accomplish anything other than having the memories saved so I could revisit my first study abroad experience.

What I found was that once I learned how to change the settings on my camera I became obsessed at bringing it with me on all of my walks around Sydney.

I was taking photos almost everyday and bring my camera with me to the bars on weekends.

I saw that sending my friends made them happy and it made me happy as well.
It was addicting and I quickly became obsessed.

 

Flash forward to today I still don’t think there is a final destination I want to reach in photography.  Yeah I would love more money and more trips but even if I made 20 million dollars next year I wouldn’t retire from taking photos go to a resort and be a gluttonous pig for the rest of my life.

I’d wake up not have to worry about money and I’d walk around and shoot for hours on end.

That’s what makes me happy in life.

I think a lot of people obsess over that ending and that level of achievement because it is what we are told that we need to do as we get older.  I think what we’ll find is that the people that can achieve that 20 million dollar dream life will get into retirement only to be bored because of how obsessed they were with the process for so many years.
Yeah the ending and achievement model might work for some people but it does not work for me.

I need to lose myself in a process consistently.

What is your process?

Day 140 of 365

The past few weeks have been absolute insanity but I am still writing every morning and shooting everyday.  Even if it is just for a little bit.  This past weekend I went to Colorado with a few friends to enjoy the weekend off and shoot around the big ski resorts, Breckinridge, Vail, Keystone and a few others.  Although time was limited I had a blast I didn't feel any pressure and I just took it very easy really taking in the scenery rather than forcing myself to make it into photos.  It was a nice step away from the city this weekend to be surrounded by Mountains instead of sky scrapers was an absolute treat. 

 

Day 139 of 365

Over the past two days I haven't had my camera on me.  I have been going to meetings, trade shows, and classes as well as trying to figure out client schedules and move into a new apartment.  Life is hectic but life is good.  There is something I thoroughly enjoy about not getting to eat dinner till 11 o'clock because I've been working on all day on things I love. 

Today I finally brought my camera with me to shoot in between classes.