In cycles.

Day 359 of 365

If there has one thing my love for the ocean has taught me it is that everything is cyclical by nature.
Like romance, like violence, like life we all seem to view it logically in a linear shape.
Yet all of life is a cycle even death.
We only view it in a line because we mourn for our individual pain too much.
We are not rain drops separate from the ocean we would dry up if that were the case, we are all drops that are part of the ocean as a whole.

It only makes sense that our lives have cycles too.
You can be so good at something for years and regress a little in a week just to strive and become better again.
Skills, relationships, passions, all change like the tide.
If you aren’t experiencing any ebb and flow in your life than something is probably wrong or you’ve cracked the code I don’t know.
My version of life is not flat and ever lasting, it’s more of a mix of highs, lows, and in betweens.
I think that’s just fine.

Consistent action.

Day 358 of 365

If you’re American I think you could agree that most of your life has been spent trying to progress.
Sometimes it seems like were all in a race to get rich and die.
We’re taught from an early age that the faster you progress the more successful you are.
I think there is some truth in this but it ignores the process of making, consistency and commitment.
This model also ignores entirely what makes you the individual happy and isn’t that the ultimate goal?

I’ve let myself get a little off track with the easter holiday just passing.
I went back to my family’s home for the weekend I didn’t blog, shoot photos, write, exercise or even eat healthy.
I felt like a big piece of shit last night because of it.
So when I woke up this morning I had my schedule already made, my alarm set for 5:30am and now at 10am I am already done with my entire routine and I’ve also got most of my work done for the day.
By 12 I am normally done with my major to do list for client work.
This process feels so good and I always wonder why I ever step away from it.

The point I’m making here is there is really no progress in this routine.
I write just to write, I exercise just like I brush my teeth, and I blog just to blog.
These things keep me focused they make me happy and it takes a little stress of that societal ideal of constant progression. (eg. get good grades, get a job, get promoted, get a girlfriend, turn her into a wife, get a house, get a bigger house, etc. etc.) You know these pressures and instead I think it’s good just to produce things for your own happiness to make consistently and to let you instinct guide your creations with little thought but instead consistent action.

Instinct & Action

Day 357 of 365

I do not degrade my verbal vomit now 

I let it move 

let it slide 

away from distraction 

in action we find that good men act with good intention 

as rough as the outside may seem 

they do it with open hearts and help others along the way 

because to them there is no other way

Be exceptional.

Day 356 of 365

If you do anything out of the ordinary you will experience disdain even from people you love.
It’s a hard fact but people who are unhappy with themselves often project that dissatisfaction onto others.
It hurts bad especially when it’s from somebody you love.
If you are staying true to yourself you van’t let that affect you at all.
Remember you’re on your own path and stick to your values.
Exceed expectations and the good in life will eventually shine through.

What's daily will define.

Day 355 of 365

What things do you do everyday?
Run, buy coffee, eat a bagel, eat greens, smoke, practice a new language?
Now ask yourself if you do those things everyday for the next 5 years where will you end up.
That is the essence of compounding.
All good decisions made daily lead to good outcomes, all bad decisions made consistently lead to bad outcomes.
Things don’t hit as fast as we expect them to so it makes it easy to ignore their detriment or progress.
Keep the good decisions on the tracks and when things get hard remind yourself that 5 years from now you’ll be happy you chose the salad instead of the pizza, running over cigarettes, and discipline over distraction.

Don't hurt yourself to make emotional work.

Day 354 of 365

I’ve made my living and all my work on self deprecating behavior.
That in itself has a premature peak.
In football I hit too hard because I came from a dark place. 

In photography I made work because I was lonely.
The more I made the lonelier I got. 

In relationships I sabotaged the belief others had in me because I didn’t believe in myself. 

Those things get quick reactions, quick results, but they burn you out fast.
A marathon is the only way to run.
It’s changing me now.
The belief in myself has made me return to photographing faces.
Light is still a friendly site but it’s much better when it crosses your skin.
Only from a place of love not lack. 

Progress

Day 353 of 365

Over the past couple weeks I have been pushing my work to new areas with new tools.
One thing I’ve realized in art is that progression isn’t always rewarded like it is in sports.
Think about your favorite band, you’d be pretty upset if they changed up their sound.
For me progression is essential for my mental health.
I feel really good when I learn new things.
I guess the struggle here is finding some form of consistency.
I think that comes with time and I am glad I decided to try so many different avenues in photography before deciding to put my nose in one direction.
This year you are going to see a lot more documentary portraiture out of me, along with some model tests like you see below.
Do whatever makes your heart feel full.
You are the only audience to your personal work.
Let your purpose guide that work.

Buschwick Houses.

Day 352 of 365

I wrote something out this morning but I felt it was too repetitive and obvious.
So I deleted it and pasted it into my journal.
Highlighted in red.
Like my neighborhood.
Trash filled streets.
With a whistling hand thrown out the window.
There is nothing that binds us closer than blood.
Still I feel so distant from some of these people.
Now less empathetic than before
until I looked and saw the red bag by my side too.

Open and receptive.

Day 351 of 365

I’m learning more about what acting in fear does to yourself everyday.
You can’t be afraid to give wholeheartedly to what you love regardless if that thing can crush you.

Wether it be a lover or a dream.
Failure is never an end it’s a growing point, simply a for in the road.

When you try and protect yourself you only close your heart to the beauty around you.

Be bold and be more vulnerable.
Give more love.

Give.

Day 350 of 365

Visually I wanted to try something a little different today and it took me a little longer than expected.

Went to bed last night feeling a little bit more love for myself than normal.
I took a long hard look at myself before bed and reflected on times when I’ve felt most upset or hurt people the most.
99% of the time it was because of an insecurity I had in myself.
When you believe you might not be good enough you hurt people, when you act in fear you hurt people and in return you do the most damage to yourself strengthening the fear that’s holding you down.
Unfortunately for me most of my fear or lack of belief in myself has been unloaded mainly on one person over the past 8 years but I’m finally realizing for myself that you gotta love you before you love someone else the right way.

I’m only just starting to become aware of the fears that have dictated my poor actions.
That awareness is allowing me to seek vulnerability in my life.
It all comes back to love.
For me I know I have to give love as if it will never be taken advantage of and if it does well that just means the receiving party doesn’t really love them self enough.
Trust me on that I’ve been there.

One size doesn't fit all.

Day 349 of 365

If there is anything I have felt from growing up in America it is that our idea of relationships is extremely rigid. We expect people to fit into the mold traditional monogamy so easily. Which I believe in certain aspects of but I don’t think we need to label things so strictly. I feel that monogamy is much more difficult than we expect and we alienate people that have trouble with it. Monogamy is a commitment and it takes time, patience, work, trust, communication, and so much more. Never judge somebody for what they love. (Unless it hurts others obviously.)

Labeling is a damaging aspect of which the American school system trains us, everything needs to be explained and categorized. When it comes to relationships this isn’t healthy. There is only the feeling and mutual connection you feel with another person. However, you go about bringing that to life is between you and the other person not the people around you. That goes for all types of relationships. If you want to love someone across the world and be pen pals, yet be married to someone in your own city great just communicate that with the people you love. No one needs to label you and you should pay no mind to the labels people place on you. All that matters is that you and the people you love know where each other stands in your lives because there is nothing worse than valuing someone drastically more than they value you.

My point here is to worry about your own relationships unless someone asks you for help with theirs. Whatever works for you works for you and all that is stated about should be taken with a grain of salt because that is what works for me.

The Business of Art.

Day 348 of 365

The sweet spot.
In our culture we focus on success so much more than we focus on the process of doing.
I find that for me the key is to blend.
To mix technique and action.
To mix business and art.
To mix discipline with spontaneity.
Ignoring key elements may still allow you to be successful but not as successful as someone who is taking care of all the key elements.
Art alone can not sustain itself.
Some of the most successful artist’s in history become that way because of their connections and business skills and not necessarily their art skills.

Street Journal.

Day 347 of 365

This past week was a little difficult for me but it made me realize a lot.
First and foremost the people that are always there for you through thick or thin should be regarded as your family.
Take care of those people whenever you can, call them, check and see if they’re okay and when your up bring them up with you.

What I realized last week is that everyones path is different.
Despite what you learn in school everyones path in life is different.
There is no one size fits all recipe to success.
So never judge somebodies hustle unless it’s hurting people.
Wether you work at a burger king, free lance, are a banker, or manual labor worker, you are a worker none the less.
You can’t be too good for anyone job and you can’t judge somebody else for working.
Trust me it really fucking sucks when someone bashes what you do for a living.
Photography is something I love so much, just like some people like knitting but you don’t see me going to them and calling them dumb for liking to knit.

Treat people the way you want to be treated and don’t be a dick.

Love yourself first.

Day 346 of 365

This blog is a mess and a bit stream of consciousness but freak it, hope it’s somewhat legible.

Have you ever felt like you loved someone or helped them way more then they would help you? I’ve felt really dumb for this before but you shouldn’t. I think this mentality comes from viewing ourselves as objects rather than as conscious people. It all really comes down to who you are. Are you a lover? are you mean? insecure, anxious, giving? Whatever you identify with never view yourself as a victim. This in itself puts you in an objectified state. For example, if you were a car and someone hit you on accident would you then go put a dent in their car in return. Fuck no you wouldn’t unless you’re an asshole. I guess if you identify with that then this blog isn’t for you so you can stop reading now.

If you identify as a good person or as a loving person you’d get out of that car and ask if the person that hit you is okay.

Then you would take your care to the auto body shop and give it some TLC.

So why when it comes to ourselves do we feel the need to throw emotional stones back at the people that hurt us, even if it is on accident. I think it has something to do with our egos and again viewing ourselves as objects. The important part here is how do we deal with that pain. Most of us hold grudges I have in the past as well but this is the emotional equivalent of putting a dent in someone else’s car. It’s entirely crap and limiting behavior. This will keep your energy low and keep you unhappy. Instead, I’m learning that when people are insecure, mean, rude, or hold grudges all you can do is show them, love. For the people in your life who only show you love, are always there for you and deserve the world well it’s our responsibility to show them double the love we give our enemies. My point here is there is nothing pathetic about giving love, even if you yourself fuck up, all you can do is be conscious of your mistakes moving forward and treat people good.

Today I am telling myself to give more.

Away

Day 345 of 365

“The sand sticks to my charger port 

blocking any energy from entering me.
Like old grudges prevent a lending hand. 

For a while there I felt used, pathetic, naive 

that I valued some much more than they valued me. 

I have come to the grievance that my scale is far to one side.
And still I give. “

People will always have a problem with what you do.

Day 344 of 365

Im in a rush to leave the house so some of this might be a bit of a mess but yesterday I posted a few of the pictures below on my instagram.
People keep ranting how this place is a tourist trap but I didn’t care it’s history, interesting architecture, and I wanted to take pictures of it before the weekend.
On top of that Hudson Yards was the building developer/owner was really smart an printed visiting terms on the tickets to get into this amazing structure.
The ticket is free but it states they have the right to use any photos taken of their building.
This is really smart, kind of sly but smart.
I’m not a building photographer or architect photographer so I could give a fuck less.
(The only thing bad I see about this is other venues in the music industry following suit.)
Still people felt the need to roast me on my instagram for posting the pictures even though I lose the rights to my photos by doing so.
Just goes to show someone will always have a problem with what you do even if you are simply making yourself happy.

Fuck what anybody else thinks be yourself, be good to people, and don’t pay any mind to others opinions.

Be grateful.

Day 343 of 365

You can’t be happy if you don’t appreciate what you already have.
Not just material things but people, emotions, opportunities.
I’m sick as a dog this week, just a simple head cold, but I am having a really good week.
I’m in love with walking and taking photos and trying new things with my photography.
Most importantly I’m in love with the process.
I fell off for a little while with my daily shooting.
I realize now I am the type of photographer that needs to plan some shoots extensively, while also shooting daily as a form of visual journaling.
I have friends that are professional photographers that don’t touch their cameras for weeks between projects spending most of their time on research and production.
It doesn’t work that way for me.
I’m more of a soft blade that needs to be sharpened way too often.
I don’t mind I prefer it that way.
It touches something in me that’s deeper than photography it’s more about walking, and my walking is more about meeting people.
I love to talk to strangers I always have, honestly I’d talk to a wall if it would listen but I’ve always felt that everyone has a story to tell and that fascinates me.
Every individual has experienced something in their life that you haven’t.
There is so much to learn and I think that’s part of what makes life so exciting.

Excuse my rambling but I am grateful for today, grateful to live in NY, to have never gone hungry, and be able to do what I love for a living.

On awareness.

Day 342 of 365

Feeling grey is really just a lack of action.
It’s an avoidance of movement and the comfort of not having to decide.
This approach lacks focus.
I know because I have embodied it in my work and in my life.
I photograph everything and vomit it out for the world to see.
It leaves my viewers confused.
With a culture so obsessed with labels if they cannot pigeonhole each body of work you create it becomes hard for them to define you.
Imagine how hard it is for someone to understand you if you can’t even understand yourself.

Don't doubt do.

Day 340 of 365

It was a great weekend.
I surfed, saw some old friends I haven’t seen in a while, went dancing, and I got to shoot a few photos and meet some new people.
Really a recipe of all I love.

Still I felt dissatisfied or even worried at times.
There is a voice that is questioning constantly and I get the feeling that if this questioning voice was another person I would have kicked him out of the room years ago.
Still I can’t help but listen to this voice at times.
It’s sings in the sound of insecurity, shyness, jealousy and much more.
It’s almost always wrong and when I hear that subconscious tone drone on about all that I lack I have to go against it in a conscious effort.
It’s similar to the feeling of pushing through embarrassment.
Like if you were to get on stage and start mumbling instead of singing all the way…in life you gotta let it rip.
You gotta fly you flag as high as you can.
Don’t let that voice of doubt ever hold your flame.

Photography Tutorials

Day 339 of 365

New York is really something else.
When I think back on the things I have been able to, I am stunned.
In the moment they feel so insignificant but afterwards you start to realize damn how lucky was I to be able to attend or be a part of that.
These photos are a look back on such a simple day here but there is nothing that makes me happier than a day on set or at the beach.

To switch topics I’ve been thinking about what I am going to do with this blog once I hit 365.
The closer I get the more fired up I get to wake up and finish another post.
So instead of canning it all together I’ve decided to make this blog into a photo tutorial and advice page.
If your looking to learn anything about the shooting, editing, storytelling process that’s what I will be covering.
I know when I started there were so many questions I had and every dick head I asked for help was often so afraid to share any knowledge they had acquired over the years.
Then presets came out and it leveled the aesthetic playing field a little bit.
You can now pretty much press a button and get the same edits as some of you favorite photographers or just buy the same film as them.
The technical side of photography is the easy part though.
To visually emulate a preset, or to shoot with the same film is really crap and emulating someone else’s editing process will often leave you in a sea of followers.

The meat of photography is in the story, whats in the image itself is what makes it beautiful and revealing.
What are you trying to show your viewer that they don’t already know?

I’m still struggling with this part of photography and I’m making an effort to focus more directly on portraiture and documentary work over the next year.

If you’re trying to get an honest an open review of how I get certain looks, edit, shoot, light, or even how some of your favorite photographers work with certain techniques I will be revealing all of that over the next few months.